How Past Strongholds Can Hold You Back

“Being open and honest with ourselves, is the first step to receiving and accepting our own truth.You can start today. It is a choice and not a feeling. With time your new narrative (rewriting your script in your mind) will change and it will not be overnight, like a new behaviour and with repetition and consistency, in time, it will change”

Zinzi Mdedetyana

The Journey Begins

I want to share my own personal financial journey, I remember the first relationship I had an encounter with money. For me, my first lasting message with money was, when I was eight or nine years old; I am not proud of what I did, but I used to sneak into my late father’s bedroom (please forgive me) and took money (coins) especially 20c or 50c from my his pant’s pockets.

I wanted to buy sweets to spoil and spend on myself at school, as I never had the privilege to have some spare cash on me (we were never given money when we were young – we carried lunch packs).

So, I thought that I could also show off to my friends at school a little bit of “ego” by letting up, that I come from a privileged rich family, that I did have lots of money to splash around and now I admit. In hindsight, it was never a clever and good idea because it got me into trouble when my late Dad found out. “Please Father forgive for I have sinned”.

Bad memory, was when I was 14 or 15 years old; there was a school field trip to Mpumalanga (one of our 9 provinces in South Africa) and I really wanted to go, my father declined my request and I was so sad, humiliated, and embarrassed, as I really wanted to be with my friends, classmates and especially my boyfriend at the time.

My boyfriend even offered to pay for my trip because he thought we did not have money to pay for the trip. I begged and begged and still, my father once again said “No”. He never told me why he refused. I guess he wanted to protect me. From that day onwards, I vowed to work so hard to have my own money and riches not to depend on anyone.

True to my word, during school vacations I would work, my first job was at a retail clothing store called Sales House (now part of Edgars Group) as a flooring consultant and sometimes as a cashier at the cash register (I would make so many mistakes such as shortages at times (lost focus easily), that, I would be removed now and again from the cash register, back to serving customers on the floor – which I enjoyed much more than handling cash). Funny for a girl who vowed to handle her own money. “When you know better you do better” – Maya Angelou

With that money that I earned, I would spoil myself, go to movies alone, some of the money I would save – I remember saying to myself that I want to be so rich one day so that I would not beg anyone for the rest of my life, be, do anything, I want, be anywhere, anytime, traveling around the world.

At the time, I convinced myself that, that, was what life was all about -honestly I did not know any better. What do I know, I was just a teenager who was so obsessed with making and having money on me all the time. I did not want to be poor.

I remember once I asked my mother to help me, open up my first savings account, at Barclays Bank now called First National Bank (FNB) a Division of First Rand Limited, a subsidiary of Rand Merchant Bank Private Bank, so I could save my money and become WEALTHY, that was all that mattered in my mind at the time.

It drove me nuts almost into an obsession and laid a foundation of paralyzed insecurities about money. You see it happens to the best of us.

The Journey Continues

Again, later on, when I was at the Peninsula University of Technology (then it was called Peninsula Technikon) studying towards my first Auditing Diploma qualification, during my final year I would also work on weekends at Claremont Woolworths Retail Store in Cape Town, as a temp (on the floor in the lingerie department) and then would earn some money; it felt so great, but hey, just enough to meet my student life’s needs, right?

I would buy some food/treats, fruits bring them back to the dormitory to show off, that I have money to feed myself and those who came to visit me and would know that if you visit my room in the dormitory, you’ll never go hungry, so, effectively in hindsight, I was feeding the nation. I always had money and it made me feel liberated and secure.

Can you see that I was doing it from a place of fear that paralyzed me instead of love and appreciation? Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves – regret the past and fear the future – Fulton Oursler. These “strongholds” were so ingrained in my heart and mind that I always worked hard to make a living.

I had lucky breaks to get well-paying jobs at the beginning of my career and was so successful to achieve what I set out to do. Still, I would not be satisfied and I would have a job and other sideline hustles (opportunities to make more money).

Mine was insecurities that paralyzed me into thinking about having all the things that I would like to do, have, become, but can’t or don’t and that I would miss out. With all that money, I would travel locally and across the globe, save some and give out some. That was and still is my dream! I have managed to fulfill some of them, though.

You are more than welcome to share your story finally figure it out and work on it in the Master your Financial Mindset Workbook and journal, you be liberated (weight lifted off) and you will thank yourself later for being brave and for taking the first step to becoming financially literate.

Remember that Life is More Important

Remember, you did not come to this world to breathe air in and out and pay bills and die. You came to this world to make a difference, by leaving an indelible mark or an imprint, and whilst you enjoy, love, give, be, do and have all of life’s delicious exhilarating pleasurable ride of your lifetime. Therefore it is important to set some goals that you can reach for, so that there is meaning in your life.

Is it Fear that’s crippling you, right now?

• How will I pay for my children’s higher and further education(college) expenses?
• With prices always increasing, how will I feed my family with such little dwindling pay?
• It is difficult as it is, how will I afford to pay all of my monthly bills?
• As an unemployed single Mom, how will I survive this daily grind?
• I am afraid I will lose everything I have, my friends and relatives will find out how much money I do not have, they would laugh (make fun of me) and it would be embarrassing for me and my children, so I have to cover up (sugarcoat) my life and show off that I can afford whilst I cannot even buy essential necessities for my family.

Ask these difficult questions to yourself:

Is it time or excuses or fear that stops you from dealing with your financial situation honestly or openly? Let us deal with it here and right now, by asking these uncomfortable questions that we have been avoiding for a long time.

What does it really costs me to live each month (fixed lifestyle expenses) sometimes we find that these expenses are always omitted from the budget exercise (spending pattern plan) so that it seems to “look good” and yet we refuse to see the real clear picture of what is unfolding right in front of our eyes that we do not want to face? When we undertake to understand the whole picture we need to find out:

• Regular expenses: you should also include weekly expenses such as movies, smoking, wine and spirits, eating out (burgers/chips/chicken finger licking good/pizza), cell phone airtime (data bundles) over time i.e. weekly, monthly, and yearly.

• Variable expenses: you should also include newsletters, internet, subscriptions, cosmetics (nails and hairdo), car service and repairs not covered by vehicle insurance, braai (grill/barbecue), visitors from church or hang out places around common friends every week, month, year over time.

• Special occasions expenses: these should include festivals, awards ceremonies, Christmas vacations (holidays), baby showers attended, gender reveal, presents bought, flowers, wine bottles bought, anniversaries (wedding and birthdays celebrations), dinner dates including Valentine’s day, house warming party, weekend getaway, and how much it really costs.

Obtain your bank statement and salary advice over 6 months to 1 year and ask yourself how much of it, have you spent, saved, and paid over to third parties.

I always say this, there is nothing that, “TELL IT LIKE IT IS” as the bank statement, as it reflects and reveals the exact replica of your lifestyle (spending profile) and we can track how and where your money went (spending patterns) except for the exact cash withdrawals (which may pose a challenge because we can’t figure out what was spent on, especially when there are no receipts kept).

Decide how much you plan to spend in each category (preference allocation choice) as it gives you the power to decide how you would like to spend your money; instead of limiting (thinking) what you can spend; so we would like to call it Preferential Personal Financial Spending Planner to reflect your dreams and work towards it; remember it is “a journey to a destination, not around in circles, that you would have to define for yourself.

The Path Starts With a Positive Mindset

(Instill and install a new belief system in yourself- not everything you see, is, what it seems). Say a mantra that you will repeat to yourself every day until your conscious mind is in sync with your subconscious mind (running the program behind the scene).

I am in control of all my Life’s current and future affairs and everything works out for me (even if I do not see it happening Right now).

I have more money than I will ever need; I am receiving truckloads of money every day, thank you, thank you, Universe (Higher Being, God whoever you call it) I receive.

Money loves me and I love money (remember money has vibrational energy if you want money but you live in constant fear or lack, or not enough, it will escape you) and this is the power of strong words (desire) and beliefs.

Soon, we will be setting up a Bootcamp: Beginner’s Guide to managing your money and perhaps a masterclass to address these financial issues, depending on the demand or request.

Goal setting (Financial freedom, financial power, healthy decisions as to what you really want out of your Life)

• I want to pay off my debts and get out of debt for good.
• Ensure that there will be enough money for my children’s current & future education.
• Maybe your desire is to retire in 10 years and never work for a Boss ever again.
• Being able to afford the lifestyle I want without having to work hard to achieve it.
• I would like to feel confident and provide security that my family will be provided for if something happens to me.
• Just travel the world over and explore different cultures and meet new people.
• Take care of my parents, my siblings can afford to have medical aid/insurance as they get older or are unemployed.

Maybe, it is not defined by money, but by the freedom to use TIME to do what I want when and where I want to do it, and with whom I want to do it, on my own terms.

Would you be so kind to share your “struggles” with money at an early age? You are welcome to leave a comment below or if you have a question or would like to share your story, we will be able to truly and honestly engage with you. Thank you once again for gracing us with your presence.