If you want to change the direction of your life then Today is the day that I would like to take you on an emotional relationship roller coaster ride with money, from where it all started (beaten old past pattern) and how it reared its ugly ears over the years. I will take you through how to change those thought patterns and finally address the way out of these repeated negative behavior and confusion.
“It is not the load that breaks you down, it is the way you carry it” – Lena Horne
So, how did it all start for you?
What relationship do you have with or to money? Is it positive or negative; if it is positive then great for you because you’re well on your way to financial well-being and freedom; maybe you can stop and not read this article any further or perhaps you can pass it on to someone who may benefit from it.
Take a trip down memory lane
To those of us who were not so fortunate to have a prosperous start in life, then this article is dedicated to you. Let us take a trip down memory lane and discover for ourselves when, how, and why did it all start and how we can change this narrative that does not define who we really are and what we
become. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, do not despair!
Unfortunately, when we were young, we grew up (especially the descendants of African origin, perhaps it may be or maybe not true for other nationalities, money was not a subject that was easy, openly, and comfortably discussed at our dinner tables in our household.
It was a fuzzy, do-not-touch, something that was fascinating, yet like an “elusive lover” that you want to touch yet was better hidden out of sight out of mind to keep the peace at home.
I guess it was also that narrative, all we had was “love for each other that glued us together”, money was referred to “imali iyimpande yesono” translated loosely as “money is the root of all evil”, especially in the African Christian family backgrounds that we were all brought up with, we grew accustomed to it.
Sometimes when we asked for money, our parents would admonish us and respond this way ”do you think money grows on trees”, so we would stop asking and fearing our parents’ response and attitude.
We feared the subject of money, so much so, that we would leave it alone; so we grew up thinking that it is a SIN and does not need the attention it deserves; avoid it at all costs to keep the peace, BUT, deep down in our hearts or guts, there was always this lurking curiosity about it; so the “fear and discomfort of discussing the money” began.
Money rearing its ugly ears
In reality, one cannot really fully blame their parents, school, teachers, or the past for that matter, because they did their BEST, at the time with the limited knowledge they possessed; and did not know any better (that’s all they knew passed down from generations to generations).
Yet did not realize the seeds of the shame, guilt, and doubts that were planted early on that will eventually will grow and later on we will harvest in our adult lives;
However, new revelations (when we open up) to new learning and teaching, provide new insight(wisdom) to be able to move forward with vigor to rectify those lessons learned.
Reality reared its ugly ears, later on in Life when we started following our careers working as young professionals, or starting businesses then money management challenges began to come to the fore, where we misunderstood, misplaced, misallocated, mismanaged, or misappropriated the very resource that we were taught to avoid or fear earlier on.
It is no wonder we are battling to keep, earn more (or when we have more of it we boast or flaunt it or show it off and spend it because that was and still is the language of YESTERDAY and still is Today, let alone keep or save or invest the little that we have.
Limiting beliefs – leads to nowhere
Unfortunately and truth be told, no one sat down with us and gave us a money management or personal financial management lecture 101 (stewardship and custodianship), where we learn to understand the values and principles of how we should manage this most “feared demonic monster”.
Yet it affects all aspects of our lives from birth to death, as it is supposed to make our life easier to achieve our life’s goals, and desires, and reach or fulfilling our dreams. We are tossed from one side to another confused, floundering, suffocating, and stressing with our own emotions (guilty feelings of inadequacy) because we cannot handle this resource properly, and rightfully so because no one taught us how to handle it very well.
Life carried on despite the confusion. That should not be taken as an excuse though.
So we did do our best with the limited ideas, mimicking and never asking questions as we moved along, what was prevalent in how either in our local or other communities, our society behaved when they had money – buy expensive booze, disrespect (by being vulgar and ill-treat) spouses and children and not support them financially.
Buy expensive clothes, shoes, and furniture to numb the pain, then disappointment, shame, and guilt sets in; those assets only to be repossessed later; however we must also understand that there was a background context to this whole depression phenomenon that there was a deeply embedded deliberate system to keep the status quo.
Depression brought forth creativity – Lessons learned
You must understand that our African folk had a great idea but failed to scale it up, be as it may they were street smart and “created a financial services product” called Stokvel (collaborating working as a community pulling pools of money for community savings/insurance/loan grouping purposes) that would carry the societal’s dreams and desires forward.
The little, that was left would be collected and saved up. However, the dream was not Big enough to take it to the next level; instead, only to be depleted.
At the end of each year to buy Christmas groceries, and if lucky pay for the school fees – that was for those who were at least “enlightened” (arguably so) and sometimes would help when there was a burial for a member or if any member needed to borrow money from the Stokvel, so essentially it worked and mimicked the operation of a Bank and insurance policy as we know it Today.
To a certain point, it was about savings and investment of a local community and no further, as I call it “consumption saving” and if they could have realized how powerful and wise they would become later, with their monies invested in a Stokvel. I believe they would have moved farther in their lives.
Unfortunately, our African folks were not educated and shown how they could pull and grow their monies (investment vehicles) beyond that, few “accidentally read” financial books/magazines which were neither real nor resonated nor practical for our folk (if they were lucky to come across and read them and take them earnestly to try to put into practice).
It was written for a “certain class of the society” and, bear in mind, our folks were excluded from participating in education and the economy. Understand that the Apartheid system was deliberately designed to keep an African descendant ignorant, helpless, and poor.
In all honesty, our African folk was not allowed to become economically active and free (save, invest, let alone start and build their own businesses) by our previous Apartheid government, those who broke the laws (rules) paid a handsome hefty price on their lives by taking risks.
I do not downplay and blame them at all, they did what they knew and experienced then, but facing our demons of the past we must not lose the lesson though and throw the baby with the bath water.
However, we need to move beyond our past patterns as painful and hurtful as it is (as it does neither define nor help us) to create a brighter future for us and our beloved one’s, that is prosperous, free, and not continue down the bad beaten past learning that does not serve and leads us to anywhere, slowly.
It is important though that the picture must be painted and the background must be given so that we all understand how did land up here and that it is and was not a coincidence.
Fears confirmed
To our surprise our fears are confirmed, desires and dreams come crashing down as self-fulfilling prophesy, as we believe there is not enough go around, so we killed each other for money (songs have been composed about it).
We really believe that fortune(money) favors only the brave, so we become resentful, jealous, envious, and hate those handpicked who seem to have made it and “have more than enough” than us and live the lifestyle that we can only dream of.
We kept on believing and telling and repeating to ourselves the “same old story of lies” and owning it instead of offloading it. Telling ourselves, “we will never be prosperous“, “we will never move forward“, and “never have enough” and it seems that it will stay that way for generations to come.
We began to hate ourselves and became hurt, guilty, disappointed, stressed, and depressed (all those feelings come together crashing all at once) and even began to affect our health, our lives, and our whole outlook on life – we lost hope as a community and as a society.
I call it the power of words, and thought patterns – we lived by, to become what our words, thoughts, and deeds commanded us, in the way we conduct ourselves and our lives (speak, behave/posture, walk, and how we see and lived life).
“If you haven’t the ability to impose your own terms on life, you must accept the terms it offers you” – T.S. Eliot.
Change your mind, change your thought patterns
If we want to see a different outcome, it is not the past that defines us, it is where we are going to have a future that will make the shift; so we have to change our “old narrative/story” that it is not supposed to convict us.
Money is a means to an end and not an end in itself and it is an exchange for something that is of value, we desire, love, and dream of, as an end goal and it should not occupy so much “airtime” in our minds and daily speech to an extent of obsessions (as if we cannot live without it) in fact we can.
Explain to me a mother, who had five babies with little or nothing to feed her children with, how did they survive without money?
It reminds me of Sindhutai Sapkal’s story from India who said “My Life has been a road with many thorns, but I have made friends with those thorns, and my Life became beautiful and I could only give beauty to so many other people’s lives” – The power of compassion is far greater than anything that money can buy. This story was related on YouTube by His Holiness Radhanath Swami.
Resources available to you
We all have access to this resource (24 hours a day to use it effectively – to access these tools, coaches, mentors, teachers, courses, and even how to make money online using your skills) equally and fairly;
Instead, we should be thinking pure positive thoughts about how to generate money in abundance, it is more than enough, it is in excess Right now and it is continuously flowing easily and effortlessly.
The question you need to ask yourself is, why have you not been able to access it, or put it differently, what will you stop doing and start doing to access it? Your attitude will determine your altitude.
For me, Personal Financial Wellbeing has everything to do with well-being, balance, harmony, equity, and freedom to be, to live, to do, and to have whatever my heart desires “without breaking the bank”, as the Americans would say.
I read a disturbing 2019 statistic (trend) from the National Credit Regulator(NCR) public report with over 23,9 million active consumers (what was disturbing to me was that 53% of these consumers were aged 31-45, very young professional women and men of our society) who are over-indebted (cannot fulfill their monthly obligations and live freely).
They apply poor money management principles, by the way, nothing much has changed, so it gave me the courage to want to reach out by writing a book on this very topic and help our fellow peers to have peace of mind and that is how financial well-being coach was invented.
Way out of this
We need to do is to cultivate in ourselves values, principles, guidelines, and understanding of the laws that govern not only money, but everything else that we want to have, be or do in our lives; that would assist us to attract money and more of it, good long pleasurable, exhilarating, blessed life that we have been given not for some, but, for ALL OF US, as it is there so much for the taking…
What are your values & principles towards money?
- Did you know that it has vibrational energy – do you understand, value, and respect it?
- Are you transparent in how you spend it (spending patterns)?
- When spending or not spending it (hoarding it), do you account for your actions?
- How to save, spend and increase your income potential (hobbies)- do you have a plan?
- Do you appreciate what it did or can do for you or do you grumble and complain all the time?
- If you were to win a Lotto tomorrow, do you think it will solve all your problems?
If you answered “No” to most of the questions then, congratulations you are in the right place because I am here to help you. Go to www.payhip.com/royaltyarkdigitalgenesis/ and grab yourself the Mastering Your Financial Mindset workbook to work through your fears and tame your financial woes in order to reach your financial well-being.
Conclusion
We all have an incredible capacity for handling any challenges that life throws at us and the capability (potential) to become better, powerful, far much greater than what we can see for ourselves, so money should not be the only determining factor in your life, because “you are more than your money, your job, your unemployment, your clothes, your important title, your fancy and fast car, your double/triple house in a safe golf estate – just see it as a means to end, not an end in itself”
Suze Orman
I believe that we possess such INNER power that loves, cares for us deeply, and always gazes upon us and The Great I AM, however, you see, perceive or understand The Creator; who provided for you before you were born, who still provides Now and even in your sleep and who will provide until you are old (with your gray hairs), so money should not be an obsession that you can neither have enough sleep nor peace of mind and nor rest over it. Live out your Life joyfully, peacefully, and deliberately, and enjoy your own journey on your own terms.
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