I had a deep conversation with a colleague the other day, when exactly does one start to yearn for acceptance?
Is it by birth when we first arrive here on Mother Earth?
Is it when we first feel the pain of non-acceptance?
Is it when we begin to be challenged in a class by both a nasty teacher and wicked classmates that it spills over to the sports field when we do not measure up?
Is it when we fall into the ever-talked-about `peer group pressure?
Is it when we fall in love and have unexplained butterflies in our tummy?
Is it when we start a new job with the best attire and try so hard to fit into “square pants” when clearly it is a “closed circle”?
Is it when we become a new member of a family when sometimes or other the in-laws are not of the friendliest bunch?
Is it when we move to a new city or country and are labeled as “foreigners” and then be mistreated?
Is it when we write our very first book and accomplish adding the letters of being a Professor or Dr. and carry ourselves with an air of self-importance and then think that “we have arrived” because there is a title called “Author” or “Professor” behind their name?
I believe it is all of the above. When people feel the need to be accepted, they will go to great lengths to succeed in this quest to prove a point. We have all been there!
Athletes and bodybuilders will take drugs to win. We equate winning with acceptance. When we fall in love, our entire being wants to feel accepted by our friends and in-laws. Authors will spend hours and hours writing the exact words to please their readers and go to great lengths to publish their creations.
Becoming a new member of a family whether it be through marriage or adoption will create a need to be nurtured as one who genuinely belongs.
Starting a new job is a definite acceptance need, we need to fit in so we can relax and apply ourselves 100% to our job.
Moving to a new country or city or even just into a new neighborhood driving the latest car model, is very challenging for us, and to be accepted and fit in, is a very important step in our settling in.
Let’s not forget “Peer Group Pressure“. That’s a tough one, especially for children just getting started in high school. Their hormones are swinging up and down, and their emotions are so sensitive. The fears that they have struggled with for years are all up front, and they have a whole lot of reality to deal with.
To fit in and be accepted by their peers is more than half the battle. Being a baby has a world of “need to be accepted” and seeing our parents “smile” when we please them.
The pain of non-acceptance for the first time cuts like a knife. It wounds us for life, creating a scar that we grow with forever. All these worries, needs, and desires are in all of us that live and breathe. Some of us feel the hunger for acceptance less than others.
Some of us cannot live without acceptance, we become obsessed with our thinking, trying anything we can to fit in.
Can you read or see the words “low self-esteem” written quietly behind every non-acceptance pain in anything that has been written here today? It is so obviously glaring in every sentence. The need for acceptance somehow affects our self-esteem, which in turn affects our emotional stability, which is where jealousy, worry, anger, frustration, and anxiety seed from.
If you know the feeling of non-acceptance or low self-esteem, then you know how controlled you are by the worry(external factor) that follows and how much of your life is imprisoned by that other mind.
Low self-esteem and non-acceptance are exactly that, in our heads, and one can actually feel them at war with one another. It reminds me of the scenario with fertile soil and bad weeds. Believe me, it is not fun for the person who is imprisoned by it.
Not only do they have to balance the two minds, but they also have to carry the feelings of guilt that they feel when they see what the result of the battle in their mind is doing to themselves and the people around them.
The constant questions that one faces extreme FEELINGS of inadequacy that say “I’m not good enough” or “I do not measure up” are an added pain to the already lonely tortured sad wounded person.
So if anyone out there knows a person that suffers from non-acceptance or low self-esteem, give them a BIG Hug, and please try to have more patience and understanding that they are not having a panic attack and that if just saying, “stop it” or “just don’t think about it” could stop it, they would jump at it in a heartbeat.
We all need support and acceptance to get us through our lows. Kicking someone when they are down never ever helps them to get up.
We are doing our best here through the website and this blog post to help educate people and help them understand what low self-esteem is all about and how very intense and serious it is.
That they are going through it and it is not a permanent feature in their lives and they possess the power to change the situation. Only they can act upon it and change it, no one else can step in and help them.
Firstly, they must accept and admit that they have a problem. From there take further steps to remedy the situation, that is why I recommend the Self-Care journal & workbook below to help establish what causes the triggers and be honest about it.
Take steps to have a deep conversation with yourself to craft the desired destiny. Although it may seem difficult, it is doable and possible.
It is impossible until it is done – Rolihlahla Nelson Mandela
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